i'm a people person.

I hate being alone. I love hanging out, going on adventures, turning up the music and having dance parties on the sides of roads with friends. That's what I love.

Today, I invited some friends to come to the park for a picnic (BYOF, of course, because I'm poor...ok, I'm not poor, I'm sitting in starbucks with a PSL and typing on my MacBook Pro. I am NOT poor...but I can't buy you lunch today). And by some friends I mean...about 15 people. Because we all know that you can safely divide by 3 the number of texts you send out to figure out how many responses you'll get, and then divide that number by 2 and you get the amount of people who will actually show.

Well, I got 4 responses, and 3 of them were "no." I then realized I had to stay at work longer, so...picnic canceled. Boo.

Instead of picnicking with my pals, which I was excited for, I ended up spending my lunch hour sitting on a swing at Lemon Park, listening to Shane & Shane, and pondering over why I felt so....unpopular.

My friends didn't say no because they hate me. They didn't say no because they don't want to be my friends (unless...well...they just haven't told me yet?). They have lives. They have school. They have goals in life that they are trying to achieve. I, however, have worked 40 hours a week for the last 4 1/2 years since graduating high school. I have started and stopped and re-started going to college countless times, but never have stuck it out because of...work. And so today I realized how much I am not living the life that I could be, because of my fear of the unknown.

I don't quit my job because I'm afraid of my father being disappointed with me (he's my boss). I'm also afraid of the fact that I will never be able to make this much money this easily again if I leave. I know that it's only money, and I have seen God do some amazing things and provide for me and for my friends when the going gets tough financially...but I'm still afraid. Will it be irresponsible to quit and go back to school? Will I just flake out of school like I have countless times before? I hope not. I'm praying through a lot, and figuring out exactly where my priorities are. Waiting for a shove in the right direction.