new home, new adventure

hello again, world.

i'm typing this from my brand new living space - the spare room at Ben and Nicole's house. Nicole has been a dear, dear friend since back in my freshman year of HS, and Ben is her husband and co-creator/genius/owner of Clover. it's a pretty awesome place to live, and it's even better because it means i get to see Evie (their almost-2-year-old) every day. it makes me smile when she runs into my room yelling "MEENA MEENA MEENA, JUMP JUMP JUMP and leaps onto the bed to jump her little heart out. so good.

i'm not quite settled in, and we still have stuff to take care of at the good old Garden Villa apt before we're officially out. also, i leave tuesday morning for Littleton, Colorado to see my friends Jacob and Sarah get hitched! that should be very very exciting, and hopefully i can post some pictures of the trip. for now, here's a shot of my bedroom, complete with boxes and awesome closet storage space, which even holds room for my fiddle, guitar, clarinet, flute, and 3 cameras. haha.

you can have all this world, but give me Jesus

My world is slowly disintegrating around me. Its so weird to think that I never thought I struggled overmuch with materialism, but here I am freaking out about how I am going to be able to pay rent, or how I will afford to go to a close friend's wedding in Colorado, or how to pay for school, or how to put gas in my car today. God has been so faithful in providing for me when I need it most, so why do I feel this panic, this sinking feeling at the thought of not having money in my bank account?

My father is currently undergoing a civil suit against him by his two (former) business partners. Both of whom claim to know and follow Christ. Unfortunately, their actions in this event have displayed Christ in the worst light possible. I don't know if they are doing it intentionally or if their motives were based in truth but they have become sidetracked. Either way, what Satan intended for evil, God has definitely used for good. My father was baptized on Sunday night. I have been praying for him for so many years, and this tragedy that has struck my family has been the catalyst God used to yank my father out of his sin and into God's awesome family. To know my dad now shares in Christ's inheritance is the best thing that I have ever witnessed.

Along with the civil suit, which now has cost my father of his income, and eventually will cost my family their home, cars, etc, it has also cost me my job. I worked for the company, and today I will be going in to discuss my severance package with my former boss and my supervisor. That's why I am freaking out.

Why? Why am I so faithless, to watch my father receive grace and mercy at his darkest time, to just see me turn around and stumble like a fool who doesn't know where her feet are? I'm asking if I truly am standing on the solid rock, or on the sand that will be washed away and scattered.

I'm praying that my faith will look like the faith of those in Hebrews 11 and 12.

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin;
and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons, "MY SON, DO NOT REGARD LIGHTLY THE DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD, NOR FAINT WHEN YOU ARE REPROVED BY HIM; FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES, AND HE SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES." It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom {his} father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He {disciplines us} for {our} good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that {the limb} which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed. Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled; that {there be} no immoral or godless person like Esau, who sold his own birthright for a {single} meal. For you know that even afterwards, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought for it with tears. For you have not come to {a mountain} that can be touched and to a blazing fire, and to darkness and gloom and whirlwind, and to the blast of a trumpet and the sound of words which {sound was such that} those who heard begged that no further word be spoken to them. For they could not bear the command, "IF EVEN A BEAST TOUCHES THE MOUNTAIN, IT WILL BE STONED." And so terrible was the sight, {that} Moses said, "I AM FULL OF FEAR and trembling." But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to myriads of angels, to the general assembly and church of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the Judge of all, and to the spirits of {the} righteous made perfect, and to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood, which speaks better than {the blood} of Abel. See to it that you do not refuse Him who is speaking. For if those did not escape when they refused him who warned {them} on earth, much less {will} we {escape} who turn away from Him who {warns} from heaven. And His voice shook the earth then, but now He has promised, saying, "YET ONCE MORE I WILL SHAKE NOT ONLY THE EARTH, BUT ALSO THE HEAVEN." This {expression,} "Yet once more," denotes the removing of those things which can be shaken, as of created things, so that those things which cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore, since we receive a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us show gratitude, by which we may offer to God an acceptable service with reverence and awe; for our God is a consuming fire.

Hebrews 12

life lessons

some that i have learned this weekend:

~i need to have more tact
~second to that, i need to have more grace towards people
~sleeping with the fan on = poor choice
~never, ever lose a spider that you are trying to kill. it will haunt you.

when all is said and done...i realized that i need to love the Lord even more, myself less, and that I have to stop caring so much what people think of me.

good night.

i'm a people person.

I hate being alone. I love hanging out, going on adventures, turning up the music and having dance parties on the sides of roads with friends. That's what I love.

Today, I invited some friends to come to the park for a picnic (BYOF, of course, because I'm poor...ok, I'm not poor, I'm sitting in starbucks with a PSL and typing on my MacBook Pro. I am NOT poor...but I can't buy you lunch today). And by some friends I mean...about 15 people. Because we all know that you can safely divide by 3 the number of texts you send out to figure out how many responses you'll get, and then divide that number by 2 and you get the amount of people who will actually show.

Well, I got 4 responses, and 3 of them were "no." I then realized I had to stay at work longer, so...picnic canceled. Boo.

Instead of picnicking with my pals, which I was excited for, I ended up spending my lunch hour sitting on a swing at Lemon Park, listening to Shane & Shane, and pondering over why I felt so....unpopular.

My friends didn't say no because they hate me. They didn't say no because they don't want to be my friends (unless...well...they just haven't told me yet?). They have lives. They have school. They have goals in life that they are trying to achieve. I, however, have worked 40 hours a week for the last 4 1/2 years since graduating high school. I have started and stopped and re-started going to college countless times, but never have stuck it out because of...work. And so today I realized how much I am not living the life that I could be, because of my fear of the unknown.

I don't quit my job because I'm afraid of my father being disappointed with me (he's my boss). I'm also afraid of the fact that I will never be able to make this much money this easily again if I leave. I know that it's only money, and I have seen God do some amazing things and provide for me and for my friends when the going gets tough financially...but I'm still afraid. Will it be irresponsible to quit and go back to school? Will I just flake out of school like I have countless times before? I hope not. I'm praying through a lot, and figuring out exactly where my priorities are. Waiting for a shove in the right direction.

fall

i dont know what it is about this season that evokes such warm, gushy feelings inside of me. that sounds weird. what i mean is, there is a physical feeling that happens when the season changes from summer to fall. normally you can't really tell the difference down here in sunny SoCal, but this year is turning out to be a good one for the frosty fall mornings. it inspires me to drink carmel apple ciders and and pumpkin spice chai lattes. and to open the windows and bundle up under a bunch of blankets at night. i love love LOVE it.

on the other side of things, though, along with the feeling of warm fuzzies that i associate with scarves, beanies and baggy sweaters comes the feeling of discontentment.

discontentment with where i am, my job, my general day-to-day life. it makes it hard to sit inside of a cubicle all day, and i feel like i'm making very little progress in what God is calling me to do. which seems to be, at the moment, is to sit and wait on him. which i will do, and Lord willing, do it joyfully.

so, here i sit, waiting, with a feeling of excited trepidation that is holding hands with a churning in my stomach that i can't explain. all i can think is, God is going to do something big. and I hope i'm there when it happens.

bones, dr pepper, mod podge, and a crying baby

At the moment i'm watching Bones, and it has to be the most awkward episode ever. which is saying a lot, because this show is always awkward. Also, Evie broke my heart as i put her down to sleep (she's my neice). The tears, the pouty little lips, and her saying "Meena! Meena! Okie Dokie Meena! Goodnight!" while sobbing.

i love that little bug.

something a friend wrote

a woman i greatly admire wrote this on a note on facebook and it's something that i had actually been having a conversation with another person about just yesterday. here's what she said:

So I just finished reading a chapter in a book called 'unchristian' by a guy who spent three years researching the thoughts and perceptions of 18-29 year-old "outsiders" toward Christianity. The particular chapter I read was on homosexuality, and how Christians are perceived to be anti-homosexual and holding gays and lesbians in contempt. Coincidentally, a friend here on FB posted a poll on gay marriage, and it got me thinking about this very charged issue.

I am often torn because on the one hand I see God's design for sexuality within the context of a male-female union, and yet also feel great compassion on the gay people I know and have known throughout my years. One of the great hurts of my and my husband's life was when his best friend, who was dying of AIDS, refused any contact with us because he had been rejected and hated by the Christians whom he considered to be brothers. Guilt by association robbed us of the opportunity to extend our love to him.

A young man just left my office, and he said, "Yeah, but if a person is gay, he can not be saved." My response is, we all are sinners and each deserving of the separation from God that sin creates. If my Christian friend John (not his real name) who seriously struggles with pornography got hit by a bus, at his funeral would we say, "Too bad John was not saved?" Or what about our friends who daydream sexually explicit thoughts on a regular basis? Are they less saved than ourselves? How about the countless number of Christians in our churches who are divorced from their Christian spouses and remarried? Are they not saved because they are living in adultery? Do not misunderstand what I am saying. I am not condoning a homosexual lifestyle, any more than I condone pornography or divorce. But we must stop singling out a group of people and calling them greater sinners than the rest of us.

This is not even the point of my note. As I mentioned, I was thinking about gay marriage. It seems that the crux of the issue lies in the concept of rights. i.e. just like a straight couple, a gay couple should have the same right to love whomever they choose, and be married to whomever they choose. They have the right to the same happiness. This I believe is a misconception, and for this reason: No one has the right to love and marry whomever they choose. This may sound crazy to our Western ears, but not to someone in a culture who as a matter of fact arranges the marriages of their children.

If we, as Christians, are truly to embrace the lordship of Jesus Christ as sovereign Lord of Creation, then we must submit to him any perceived right to choose the person with whom we share our most intimate bond. We must shed the notion that we have the right to marry and homosexuals do not, based strictly on our sexuality. The only reason we can be married and have sexual intimacy is because God chooses that for our life.

Maybe you will say to me, "Works for you, Yvonne, because you married the man you wanted to marry." That argument may have worked against me in my younger days, but believe me, the only reason I am still married, 27 years into this relationship, is because of obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ and the vow I spoke before him almost 25 years ago. If I was to think I had the right to always be happy, the right to love only the one I wanted to love, then this marriage would have dissolved long ago. Tom and I are both so different from those 20-somethings who said, "I do," yet because we are committed first to the Lordship of Christ, God has granted us the grace to stick it out; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy law.

When Prop 8 was on the ballot and I saw all those people with YES ON 8 signs, I wondered if those same people would march for an anti-divorce measure. Until the church grabs hold of this, that even our marriages are bound to Jesus' Lordship, and stops the hemorrhage of divorce that is bleeding in the pews, then we need to be quiet about our opinions of others' lives and go about loving them. It was Jesus' love for the sinner that drew them to the Father, by contrast he reserved his choicest rebukes for the religious people who sat in judgment of others.

The only picture the world has of Christ is presented by those who call themselves by his name. For too long the church has painted a picture of a Jesus that in many ways is repulsive to a sick and hurting world: a Jesus who is hateful and judgmental and holds the sinner in contempt. I hope that we can be God's image-bearers in a way that is better representative of the one who laid down his life for us while we were still sinners. We need to change the perception of being anti-anything, and present a Christ who gives his love and compassion to all.

living relationally

"Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of {our} God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, {and} to keep oneself unstained by the world" James 1:27 [NASB]

I'm currently training to become a certified respite care worker. What that means is that my job will be to go and provide a time for parents who have children with special needs or foster kids to have a break. Respite care is also provided for and available to foster care parents who need someone certified to leave their child with over an extended period of time, because of the delicate nature of the child and the system itself. The families I work with have kids that have emotional, behavioral, and psychological disorders that prevent them from being cared for by people other than their parents. The parents are burnt-out, tired, discouraged and even bitter at the fact that they are constantly, 24/7, catering to the needs of kids who have more needs than can be met by a tired mom or dad. It's not that they are bad parents, it is just that they are tired and can't see the forest for the trees, so to speak. Their relationships with their children, even their spouses, are teetering on the brink of collapse, and respite workers are there to give them a break to stop, refocus, relax, and realize that they are not alone in their struggles. It is not a babysitting job, but it is to be a professional respite worker who has the training to take care of and keep safe children who have serious problems and have difficulty operating in "normal" society. (I say "normal" because I have a hard time trying to fit everyone in a box...everyone has issues, everyone has needs, everyone has dark places inside them that sometimes aren't as visible as they are in other people. Children are the same as that. Each one is unique, no child learns, behaves, or processes the same as another)

What is nuts about this is that I hear people in our congregation always talking about living relationally, living in community, taking care of the widows and orphans, and yet I don't really see a ton of that coming to fruition. I'm not saying people at Cornerstone don't do anything. I just think that people see DOING as a daunting, difficult, drawn-out task that requires a ton of preparation and a big event to have impact. It doesn't take an event, and it takes minimal training to become a part of a family who truly needs someone to love them and care about their lives and struggles.

In Simi, there are hundreds of college students that go to EBC, MCC, CSUN, Cal Lu, or what have you, and they are always talking about needing a job, and how difficult it is to find one.

Cornerstone is preparing for their next season of training up parents to become foster parents, and yet little was said about respite care. It is actually an amazing job opportunity, and not only that, but it is a job that REQUIRES living in relationship with the families you are assigned to work with. You are in the home on a regular basis for at least a year, you know the family and how they work together as a unit, you know their personalities, likes, dislikes, quirks, and what sets them off. You are invited to peek into the window of their hearts as you live every week side by side with them...and what better way than that to exemplify Christ in their lives?

To find out more about Respite Care and the opportunities to become one, check out this website. It's the organization I'll be working through. CPR and First Aid are offered through a bunch of county programs, and also at Casa Pacifica.

Casa Pacifica is also an awesome place to get involved at...to work with kids who don't have family relationships, who have been in the foster system for years, and need love (and Christ!) desperately. Check it out!

Forgotten God

Forgotten God is the new book by my pastor, Francis Chan, and it was released today.

I was blessed with the opportunity of being the makeup artist for the follow-up study resource DVD and have spent the last two weeks working with a fun team of people and Francis.

Hopefully i can purloin some of the photos my friend and director Jacob Lewis has on his camera that our friend and director's assistant Chris Crutchfield took. Until then, here are a couple of moments I was able to capture. This scene was filmed on Skid Row in downtown Los Angeles, which "is home to one of the largest stable populations of homeless persons in the United States" [wikipedia]. We were on top of a fun building housing Urban Connection (read more here) in over 100* weather. It was awesome!

the news

on wednesday, i looked at an apartment here in simi valley with Megan, a friend of mine.
this morning we turned in the application...and 30 seconds later, we were approved.
we get the keys on monday after turning in our $700 deposit, and the nice manager lady gave us the first 40 days free, and also took off $50 a month from our rent because she knows that we're students.

this will be time #2 for me to move out. a year and a half ago i moved out of my parents house into an apartment with 4 other girls, and stayed there for 11 months. i moved back in with the parentals, and have been here for what will be exactly 1 year this may. and now i'm moving again.

i'm 22, a college dropout, and a full-time office assistant. i volunteer with the high school youth group at cornerstone community church and occasionally throw myself into a couple of units at Eternity Bible College for fun.

i have a passion for loving people, i enjoy photography, and i am a teacher at heart.

i'm terrified of growing up, and so nows the time to do it.

lets go!