Green Beer and Gold

my birthday is march 17th, also known around the world (or at least in beer-drinking countries) as St Patrick's Day.



When I was younger, I spent a lot of time at my grandparent's house. They lived about 7 minutes away from our house, and I loved to have my mom drop me off for the day. I would walk in, hug and kiss my grandma, and she would proceed to lecture me on always being barefoot and how pneumonia would kill me. She would force me to wear my grandpa's (very) smelly slippers, and then she would toddle off to "water the back yard patio," or go watch her "novellas" on telemundo. I would then go and explore all the "off-limits" areas of the house, usually my grandpa's office, or great-grandma mary's room (great gramma at the time still lived in Montana, but when her and great grandpa would visit they'd always stay in that room). There were so many treasures, like swords and makeup (my grandma being a Spaniard and a cosmotologist), to play around with.

But the best part was walking down their street to the McCarthy's house. Dan McCarthy was (and still is) a tall, white-haired, white-bearded bear of a man who loved his golden retreivers-and his wife, Cathy. I remember that the garage door would always be open, Dan always watching football with a Coors in his hand. That man sure did love to tap the rockies. Cathy would invite me in to have a cookie and a soda, and then Dan would proceed to tell me about how in Ireland, if you were born on St Paddy's, they would strip ya' naked and send you marching through the town with your butt painted green. Mind you, I don't know if that's even true. I don't even want to google it or look it up anywhere on the interwebs, because I don't need to rinse my eyes out with bleach. But at the time I was a naive little 7 year old girl, and I believed that large man. I mean, his name was Daniel McCarthy. Of course he knows about Irish traditions.

17 Years later I still remember that afternoon, running back up to my grandparents house sobbing, babbling about how "dan is gonna paint my butt green" and begging my grandparents not to let him. I also remember him laughing as he came up to the house to tell me he was just kidding, and apologized for scaring me. I forgave him, until my birthday came around and he came and threw me over his shoulder declairing his intentions. Everyone laughed at the joke, but not me. I ran and hid and changed my clothes, because I was embarrassed that I had wet my pants as a 2nd grader. And I was convinced a 3rd pair of underwear would deter any butt painting that year.

Well, that was a fun trip down memory lane. now to leave you with a little present from me.

here i am, 3 weeks into my adventure of living in atlanta. i spent a couple of days in louisville with my bestie and her husband this last week, and it was very refreshing to be around people i know.

its been really hard and lonely the past few weeks, and i've been kind of discouraged by the fact that i havent been able to find a job. i'm going to have to make some hard decisions in the next few weeks of whether or not to move back to california. i really feel that the lord has led me here, and if he wants me to remain he will provide a way for me to do so.

things that i would love some prayer for:

* a job
* community (i'm trying to get plugged in at a new church, and its sadly harder than i thought it would be)
* diligence in seeking out the last two prayer requests. my fear is that i'm becoming afraid, and in that, stagnant in my efforts.
* clarity and wisdom as i make different decisions regarding employment, housing, and direction.
* that i will continually be seeking the lord in his will for my time here, and that he will be my comforter and my strength.

thanks for being supportive of me in this venture, and partnering with me in prayer!

fun things that have happened so far in moving here:
-met some nice people (Daphne, Kim and Melinda) who are very kind and i got to have dinner with them a couple weeks ago
-went to Louisville with my friend Dave and got to hang out with Kelsey, Daniel, Melissa and their parents
-got offered a volunteer position with International Crisis Aid here in Atlanta (haven't accepted it yet though, i still have that pesky employment/transportation thing to work through)
-for the first time in my life i got offered candy by a stranger at a MARTA station...i said no. but it went in the books as a first.

another update will be posted as soon as i have something to share :)

Good to know that I suck so badly at blogging. But really, its been a year and 3 days since the last post on this thing. And a heck of a lot has changed. for instance:

Went to EBC (jan)
roadtripped and moved Kelsey and all her crap to Kentucky (april)
Left EBC (june)
nicole got preggers (july-ish)
Saw Kelsey get engaged in Seattle to Daniel (august)
Saw Kelsey and Daniel get married in Indiana/Kentucky (october)
got a job (october)
Visited them in their new apt a month after they got married (november)
lost that job (january)
moved to Atlanta (february)

aaaaaaaaand that sums up life for the last 12 months.

bottles and cans.

i broke down and cried at a gas station today. i was just standing there, filling my tank, and an old man walks up. he didn't look at me, he just shuffled over to the trash can, dug through it, and pulled some bottles out and put them in his plastic bag. he then walked around to all the trash cans and did the same thing. as i watched him, i was frozen with uncertainty of what i could do. here was this man, old enough to be my grandfather, digging through trash to find just a few plastic bottles that he could recycle. he had a jacket on, and shoes on his feet, and he didn't look like he necessarily was homeless. but never the less, there he was. digging through trash for recyclables. all i could think about was my own grandpas. about how i would never, EVER let them get to the point of having to dig through trash to scrape together some extra change. i'm ashamed to say that i got in my car and left, because i have no idea what i should have done. asked him to hop in? taken him to mcdonalds and bought him a cup of coffee? my excuses were weak, that i had to get back home to go to a concert (of all things), that i had somewhere to be and commitments. that i didn't know him, didn't know if he was crazy, homicidal, etc etc. regardless, i should have said something. i should have said ANYTHING. because, in essence, i just let my grandfather dig through trash to get some extra change.

tomorrow is a new day, and hopefully with that new day comes new opportunities. and not old mistakes.

i'm a moron

I get so upset about little things. Big things happen, but they don't freak me out as much. Then one little itty bitty thing feels like it's going to collapse my whole world.

I'm reading through the OT this semester...seeing as I'm taking 3 OT classes, that makes sense. And every day its a new picture of God's plan from the very beginning to restore his creation to what He created us to be. I can see it working, see the big picture, get excited...but then I hit a little bump that barely makes a blip in my radar, and WHOA! It makes everything else i know fly out of my mind and sends me into a downward spiral of panic.

God is the God of yesterday, today, and tomorrow. My life is just a vapor, a mist that will be blown away and then gone in an instant. I can't waste it on all this drama. I'm praying that God will keep refining me until I only reflect Him, and not my little blips of dumbness.

new home, new adventure

hello again, world.

i'm typing this from my brand new living space - the spare room at Ben and Nicole's house. Nicole has been a dear, dear friend since back in my freshman year of HS, and Ben is her husband and co-creator/genius/owner of Clover. it's a pretty awesome place to live, and it's even better because it means i get to see Evie (their almost-2-year-old) every day. it makes me smile when she runs into my room yelling "MEENA MEENA MEENA, JUMP JUMP JUMP and leaps onto the bed to jump her little heart out. so good.

i'm not quite settled in, and we still have stuff to take care of at the good old Garden Villa apt before we're officially out. also, i leave tuesday morning for Littleton, Colorado to see my friends Jacob and Sarah get hitched! that should be very very exciting, and hopefully i can post some pictures of the trip. for now, here's a shot of my bedroom, complete with boxes and awesome closet storage space, which even holds room for my fiddle, guitar, clarinet, flute, and 3 cameras. haha.

you can have all this world, but give me Jesus

My world is slowly disintegrating around me. Its so weird to think that I never thought I struggled overmuch with materialism, but here I am freaking out about how I am going to be able to pay rent, or how I will afford to go to a close friend's wedding in Colorado, or how to pay for school, or how to put gas in my car today. God has been so faithful in providing for me when I need it most, so why do I feel this panic, this sinking feeling at the thought of not having money in my bank account?

My father is currently undergoing a civil suit against him by his two (former) business partners. Both of whom claim to know and follow Christ. Unfortunately, their actions in this event have displayed Christ in the worst light possible. I don't know if they are doing it intentionally or if their motives were based in truth but they have become sidetracked. Either way, what Satan intended for evil, God has definitely used for good. My father was baptized on Sunday night. I have been praying for him for so many years, and this tragedy that has struck my family has been the catalyst God used to yank my father out of his sin and into God's awesome family. To know my dad now shares in Christ's inheritance is the best thing that I have ever witnessed.

Along with the civil suit, which now has cost my father of his income, and eventually will cost my family their home, cars, etc, it has also cost me my job. I worked for the company, and today I will be going in to discuss my severance package with my former boss and my supervisor. That's why I am freaking out.

Why? Why am I so faithless, to watch my father receive grace and mercy at his darkest time, to just see me turn around and stumble like a fool who doesn't know where her feet are? I'm asking if I truly am standing on the solid rock, or on the sand that will be washed away and scattered.

I'm praying that my faith will look like the faith of those in Hebrews 11 and 12.

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin;
and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons, "MY SON, DO NOT REGARD LIGHTLY THE DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD, NOR FAINT WHEN YOU ARE REPROVED BY HIM; FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES, AND HE SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES." It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom {his} father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He {disciplines us} for {our} good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that {the limb} which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed. Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled; that {there be} no immoral or godless person like Esau, who sold his own birthright for a {single} meal. For you know that even afterwards, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought for it with tears. For you have not come to {a mountain} that can be touched and to a blazing fire, and to darkness and gloom and whirlwind, and to the blast of a trumpet and the sound of words which {sound was such that} those who heard begged that no further word be spoken to them. For they could not bear the command, "IF EVEN A BEAST TOUCHES THE MOUNTAIN, IT WILL BE STONED." And so terrible was the sight, {that} Moses said, "I AM FULL OF FEAR and trembling." But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to myriads of angels, to the general assembly and church of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the Judge of all, and to the spirits of {the} righteous made perfect, and to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood, which speaks better than {the blood} of Abel. See to it that you do not refuse Him who is speaking. For if those did not escape when they refused him who warned {them} on earth, much less {will} we {escape} who turn away from Him who {warns} from heaven. And His voice shook the earth then, but now He has promised, saying, "YET ONCE MORE I WILL SHAKE NOT ONLY THE EARTH, BUT ALSO THE HEAVEN." This {expression,} "Yet once more," denotes the removing of those things which can be shaken, as of created things, so that those things which cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore, since we receive a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us show gratitude, by which we may offer to God an acceptable service with reverence and awe; for our God is a consuming fire.

Hebrews 12